Conducted

It is a moment to be committed to memory—a moment filled with sight and sound—a moment to be returned to again and again.

The sound part of the memory, I can explain well enough.  I am a musician and understand melody and harmony, attacks and cutoffs, crescendos and decrescendos.  

I know how the members of musical groups interact with each other, listening—adjusting—blending.  It takes all the skill of most seasoned musicians to simply begin and end a piece at the same time, with reasonable rhythmic similarity in between.

But, the tears coursing down my cheeks are not to be explained so cavalierly.  The quietness that has fallen over the audience has nothing to do with the knowledge of tone and timbre, or with intonation.

But, I haven’t given much to go by, have I?  Possibly a paragraph or two of explanation will help.

For the last thirty-five years, give or take a year or two, I have sat at Christmastime in the beautiful old cathedral, with its oak panels and stained glass.  It has changed a lot in the last thirty-five years.  

So have I.

Candlelight Service.  It’s what they call it.  A plain brown wrapper that hides a treasure waiting to be uncovered, nearly every time.  I’ve been privileged to have a small part in the service for most of the years I’ve been there.

Tonight, after my small part was complete, I sat in the creaky old pew and waited for the whole thing to be over.

It’s been a rough year.  I’m having a hard time accepting changes I didn’t ask for.  I had a plan, yet things aren’t working out quite as I had envisioned.  Well, now that I think of it, not at all as I had envisioned.

I’m not much in the mood to get in the Christmas spirit.  So, I’m waiting for it all to be over instead.  I know I’ll get my wish.  Another few weeks and I’ll be home free.  Right?

The choir, led by a man I love and respect, a man who after thirty years is leading for his last time this Christmas, has just finished a very nice rendition of What Wondrous Love.  It was very nice.

Something is happening, though.  The man leaves his podium to stand near the piano and a young fellow is assisting a feeble-looking woman up the steps to the stage.  This is different.

As the octogenarian lady alights the podium, it is easy to see that she is anything but feeble.  Her stance behind the music stand makes it clear that she is in her element; the attention of the young folks in the risers is riveted on her face and hands.

She holds no baton.  She needs none.  From the first quiet notes of the piano, that much is evident.

The First Noel.  

Most in the audience have heard the carol a thousand times.  Maybe more.  I will admit, this arrangement is beautiful.

Most of the time, when I listen to this choir, I watch the musicians as they sing.  Forty or fifty college students—some of them music majors, others following various fields of study—have worked hard to prepare for this event.  They deserve the attention.

And yet, all I can see now is the lady on the podium.  As it turns out, it is all the young people in the risers see, too.  They will not take their eyes off of her for the next four minutes.

For my part, from the first notes the tears flood, literally flood, my eyes.  Still, the lady fills my sight.  Her hands, gnarled and aged, are beautiful in their communication of her wishes.  A tiny wave this way and the sopranos are singing the melody.  A little wiggle of her fingers and the volume drops as if someone has turned a knob on a stereo.  Then she motions to the whole group and the beautiful sound fills the great cathedral.

Suddenly, in an insight that does nothing to help my tears abate, I understand.  Taking nothing away from the abilities of the young singers, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the musician here is the ancient conductor standing in front of them.  They are simply the instruments upon which she plays.

Every note—every whisper of a sound—comes at the whim of her direction.  And these young singers understand that and give her exactly what she wants.

The result is nothing short of breath-taking.  Literally.  Breath-taking.

As the last notes die down in the cathedral, it seems to me that even the candles burning in the aisles momentarily flicker as the bated breath of nearly a thousand listeners is exhaled in the same instant.

What a sacred moment.

I’m not just talking about the music.  That was indeed, nothing short of astonishing.

But, God speaks through His handiwork and His servants.  If our eyes are open and our ears prepared to hear, He speaks.  To us, He speaks.

If our eyes are open and our ears prepared to hear, He speaks. To us, He speaks. Click To Tweet

I want to say more.

I don’t think I need to tonight.

It’s time for us to follow the Conductor.

What astonishing music He wants to make.

Astonishing.

 

 

 

 

And do not go on presenting the members of your body to sin as instruments of unrighteousness; but present yourselves to God as those alive from the dead, and your members as  instruments of righteousness to God.  
(Romans 6:13 ~ NASB)

 

A great work of art is made out of a combination of obedience and liberty.
(Nadia Boulanger ~ French conductor ~ 1887-1979)

 

 

 

 

 

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2016. All Rights Reserved.

Finding My Voice

“You’re really sounding good up there this morning, Paul.”

We had a few moments between our early morning practice and the church service, which would begin soon, so I had wandered back past the sound booth.  The sound technician spoke the words, innocently I’m sure.

In my mind, I held an imaginary apple in my hand and, breathing on it, polished it on my shirt.  No, I didn’t do it physically, but I was proud.

I sounded good!

As if.

Moments later, in an auditorium filled with people and with the microphone turned up, I grimaced as my voice cracked on a high note and then shrugged as I struggled to stay in tune on the acapella verse of a beautiful hymn.

Pride goes before a fall.

But, I don’t want to talk about pride tonight.  Or even about singing.  Well, kind of about singing.  It’s more about finding our voices—the ones we were intended to have—the voices people around us were intended to hear.

I’ll never be a great singer.  How about you?  Chances are, the answer is no for most.  For some reason though, many of us—great voices or not—have a love of singing.

Don’t believe me?

Drive down any highway in any city and watch the drivers of the cars with only a single occupant.  And, when I say watch the drivers, I mean watch their mouths.  It won’t be all of them, but almost certainly, you’ll see a few on the road with their mouths moving and their fingers tapping on the steering wheel in time with the music.

I haven’t done any scientific studies, but I think I’m safe in saying if you ask the great majority of those folks to sing in church on Sunday, they’ll tell you they can’t sing.

Can’t sing?  What were they doing in the car?  What do they do in the shower at home?

They can sing.  They just aren’t ready to give anyone the chance to judge the quality of their voice.

But, perhaps I muddy the waters when I speak of finding our voice and I equate it with singing.  Even those of us who can’t sing well have voices.  We can speak.

We do speak.  Frequently.  Perhaps, too frequently.

Ah! With that, we may have hit closer to the mark than anything else which could be said about finding our voice.

If we want our voices to be heard, they must be used at the appropriate time.  They must be speaking at the right volume.  They must be shaping the correct words.

Often, when I talk face to face with folks, I’ve seen their eyes glaze over as I speak.  Since I can’t see you, it may be happening at this instant, with these very words.

Perhaps, I can reinforce the idea with an example.  Sorry.  It will be another musical analogy.  Music is an integral part of my life, after all.

In my memory, Mr. Marlar is still standing on the podium in that dim basement we called the Lower Aud.  It was over thirty-five years ago.  As we drifted into class that afternoon, on our basic black music stands, we found a new piece of music.

The big guy on the podium spent a few moments going over the piece, pointing out difficult key changes and rhythmic quagmires, in hopes that we might avoid them while playing the song.  They were almost certainly vain hopes, but he had to make the attempt anyway.

Right before he raised his baton to start us on our way, he looked straight at me and said, “Paul, in that section right after the time change, I want to hear you.  Whether you play the right notes or not, I want to hear you!

I placed a mental bulls-eye on the page and determined to follow his instructions.  Off we went, doing our best to handle the strange notes and intervals.  It wasn’t concert ready; not by a long shot.

But, may I make one thing clear?

When we got to that section right after the time change, Mr. Marlar heard me.

hornvoiceHe heard me!  

Watching his baton carefully, I struggled with a note or two, but I played out, with more volume than the trumpets and the trombones.  I even played out over the brassy, blatty tones of Carl on that old baritone saxophone.

Indifferent to the listening ears of all forty or fifty of my fellow band-members, I played my fortissimo section for one person.

Just one.  Mr. Marlar.  The man with the baton.

On that day, I found my voice.  It was just one little section of music.  Only a short phrase played on my brass and nickle-silver horn.

But, I found my voice.  And, the conductor heard it loud and clear.

Want to know something funny?  So did all the other players—the ones I wasn’t playing for.

It is my firm belief that every one of us has a voice—and a message.  Depending on which conductor one is following, the message will vary greatly.

I have a voice.  So does every human alive. It’s been given us by the Maestro, that Conductor of conductors, to use in concert with all those who follow Him. We can choose not to be part of that great plan if we want.

The voice loaned me is not one of His strongest; it doesn’t carry all that far.  Still, it carries far enough.  As far as He wants it to.

His voice.  His words.

To the prophet Jeremiah, as He reached out and touched his mouth, He said, “Look!  I have put My words in your mouth.” (Jeremiah 1:9)

He puts them there.

What we do with them after that is up to us.

Just as my old friend, Mr. Marlar, placed the music he wanted to hear on my music stand, so the Great Conductor makes clear what His words are.  And, just as it was in that band 35 years ago, He also gives us clear direction about what to do with the words.

Our turn.  

We could sing at the top of our lungs in our cars.  It might make us feel better, though somehow I think these voices were meant for bigger stages and wider audiences.

Many will find the bigger stage and wider audience, but forget the words which were put in their mouths.

Others will remember the words, but will ignore the baton of the Conductor and blurt them out at the wrong time, doing damage to the integrity of the message.  Divisions and squabbles water down the message His words are intended to convey.

I think I’m ready for this.

The Director stands at the podium, baton at the ready.  He’ll give me the cues at the right time.  And, I’ve already marked that loud section He wants to hear.

You may want to listen in too.

I know I’ll be all ears when your solo comes along.

 

 

I’m not interested in having an orchestra sound like itself.  I want it to sound like the composer.
(Leonard Bernstein ~ American composer/conductor ~ 1918-1990)

 

Then the Lord put out his hand and touched my mouth. And the Lord said to me, “Behold, I have put my words in your mouth.”

(Jeremiah 1:9 ~ ESV)