Only What’s Mine

The preacher came to check on me today.  His brother passed away last week, but he came to check on me.

He’s not my pastor.  Well, what I mean is, he’s not the man who is the pastor of the fellowship where I attend services.  My pastor checks on me too, but I’m not writing about him today.

The preacher came to visit me because he owes me.  That’s the way he sees it anyway.  It’s his way of paying a debt.

Did you know that on the worst day of his life, Jesus stopped to help a fellow who was just doing his job—and also having a bad day?

Jesus was being arrested, said arrest to be followed by a mock trial and, soon after, a very real execution.  Yet, He stopped everything to make life easier for a man He had likely never even seen.  (Luke 22:50,51)

He, who was about to die, stopped to heal a slave’s ear.

I marvel at the capacity to love.  But, I have seen it again and again.  The human heart, pummeled and battered by loss and sorrow, beats the stronger for those around who also hurt.

Did I say the preacher is paying a debt?

It’s a debt we all owe, one that will not go unsettled.

The Apostle, in giving instructions about temporal matters, gave us the words we must live by.  The one debt we will carry throughout our whole lives is the debt to each other—to love one another.  (Romans 13:8)

We love—because He loved us first.

And yet, I had other things to speak of with my friend.  You see, I am struggling with many things right now, things I don’t want to accept.

There are people I love making choices I would change for them if I could.  I’m sure if I could just lend them a bit of my brilliance, they’d understand and repent of their error.

And, as I suggest that to him, I suddenly remember that I don’t have a mandate to change people.

Lamely, I say the words:  I guess that isn’t mine to fix, is it?

He smiles.  But, as he smiles, he remembers why he stopped by.  I’ve gotten him off track.  He knows I’m still unhappy—perhaps even a little angry—at God for the changes which are being made in my life right now.

Looking around the music store where he sits, he waves his hand in a circle and asks a question I really don’t like.

Is this yours?

I don’t like the question because I know the answer.  You do too, don’t you?

I smile, a faux-smile if ever there was one.  I give him the right answer, the answer I know he wants to hear.  I don’t grit my teeth as I say it, even though it is all I can do not to.

No.  Not mine.

And then he is gone.  He leaves me standing in the doorway of a music store that soon won’t be.

Worse than that, he leaves me with a revelation I didn’t want and never asked him for.

I  only want what’s mine!

I’ve sulked all day.

I cleaned my French horn in preparation for upcoming events and the pride I have taken in the beautiful instrument dimmed as I realized it’s not mine.

After I closed the music store (still not mine) for the day, I climbed up into the driver’s seat of my pickup truck and thought, as I turned the key, this isn’t mine.

I helped the Lovely Lady clean up after supper and as a sparkling kitchen reappeared, I realized that none of the beautiful little home is mine.

I only want what’s mine.

I’ve been sitting here moping about what I’ve lost on this day of revelation, thanks to the preacher.  I’ve come to a conclusion.

If I can lose it, it was never mine.  Never.

If I can lose it, it was never mine. Never. Click To Tweet

You might think it would be a sad realization.  It’s not.

The freedom that comes from knowing what is mine and what isn’t is life changing.  If my treasure is bound up in things which can be taken from me, I am the poorest man you’ll ever meet.

hot-962139_640I’m not a poor man.

I only want what is mine.

Faith is mine.

Hope is mine.

Love is mine.

There are more things to add to the list.  Gifts, every one of them—given by the Giver of all good things.  They are things that can never be taken from us.  And, in the words of that great theologian, Casey Stengel, you could look it up. (1 Corinthians 12)

We’re told that the greatest of these gifts is love.  The more I consider it, the more certain I am it is true.

Funny, isn’t it?  If we can lose it, it isn’t ours, and yet we’re told we must give away love.

So, is love ours or not?

Most decidedly, love is ours.  You know what makes love the greatest gift?  The more you give it away, the more there is to give away.

The more we give love away, the more of it there is to give away. Click To Tweet

God has poured His love into our hearts in a never-ending stream.  It should be pouring out in the same manner.  (Romans 5:5)

I’m thinking that wealth which can’t be stolen or misplaced is worth more than any treasure trove to be found on this planet.

And, we get to give it away and keep it, too.

Funny.  I still only want what’s mine.

And, like my preacher friend, I want to give it away.

Again and again.

Give it away.

 

 

Spread love everywhere you go; let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier.
(Mother Teresa ~ Albanian/Indian nun & missionary ~ 1910-1997)

 

Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.
(1 Corinthians 13:13 ~ NLT)

 

 

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2016. All Rights Reserved.

The Stomach Lies

What does your gut tell you?

I hear the words and I cringe.  I’m a know-your-facts—ducks-in-a-row kind of guy.  When I ask someone for advice, it is because I respect their expertise.  

I had found the old guitar in the dark corner of a pawn shop in Dallas.  It said Gibson on the head stock.  It said Gibson on the label inside the sound hole.  But, I wanted to be certain that it really was the genuine article before I dropped four hundred dollars, so I phoned a friend.  

An expert.  With expertise.  Wisdom, even.  

I described the instrument to him in detail.  He asked several questions about construction and materials, as well as the labels.  Then he asked that other question.

What does your gut tell you?

I bought the guitar.  My gut said I should.

My gut was wrong.  The guitar was a fake.

I wanted it so badly I could taste it.  As it turned out, I didn’t need to know what my gut told me, I needed some expertise—and wisdom.

It wasn’t the first time in my life my stomach had let me down.

Your eyes are bigger than your stomach.  

The red-headed lady who raised me said the words, laughing a little as she spoke.  I was sitting at the old scarred-up dining table with a Melmac plate before me.  There was a good-sized portion of steak on the plate.

We didn’t really have a limit to how much food we could put on our plate at that table.  As long as there was enough to go around, we were welcome to serve up as large a portion as we wanted.  There was only one stipulation.  Just one.

We had to eat everything on our plate.  Everything.

We’ll move on from this uncomfortable scene without dwelling on it, shall we?

Our appetites are poor experts.  They get us into all kinds of trouble.  All kinds.

Only today, I sat at a traffic light in heavy traffic, thinking about nothing in particular and everything in general, when my eye was captured by a bright flashing beside the road.  It was an advertising sign that operated with light-emitting-diodes; LED‘s, we call them

The writing started out as a brilliant LED in the center of the screen, appearing as nothing more than a dot.  The dot expanded, taking the form of letters in a word.  Rapidly, the expanding words filled the screen completely, before disappearing, only to be replaced by a new one.

It didn’t take long to get the whole message.

WHAT
DO
YOU
WANT?

Honk!  The driver behind me barely tapped his horn, but it was enough to make me aware that the traffic light had changed and the cars in front of me had moved on.  I was still thinking about the question.

I still am.

What do I want?  

The words, like the sign today, fill my sight.  Isn’t that always the way it is when one is hungry?  You can’t think about anything else, the desire for whatever it is you crave crowding out everything but itself.

soup-260238_640We are a people ruled by our appetites.  It’s not a new thing.  

Isaac gave his blessing to Jacob because his oldest son, Esau was hungry.  Really.  He was hungry, so  he gave up one of the most important rights a man in his culture could have—for a bowl of soup.  (Genesis 25:29-34)

Centuries later, we remain a greedy, gluttonous people, ready to sell our privileges for a paltry bowl of temporary enjoyment.  

We sell our marriages for a few moments of sexual pleasure with other partners, our children’s future for another drink of alcohol, our physical necessities for another turn at the roulette wheel.

We are so driven by our lust for satisfaction that we believe God will give us whatever we want.  Seriously!  (James 4:3)

He won’t.

And yet, He said through the psalmist that if we delight in Him, He will give us the desires of our heart.  (Psalm 37:4)  

He did.  He said that.

Based on this truth, many today teach that He will give us whatever we ask for. Cars, mansions, jewels—all of it to grasp and use in whatever way we choose.  He promised, right?

Desires of my heart!  Whatever I want!

As if we could delight in Him and have the desires of our heart not be molded to fit His will.  As if our worship and obedience of a holy God could result in the sinful lust and self-centeredness being touted by those who teach such lies.

As if.

What do I want?

I want to want what He wants.

What do I want? I want to want what He wants. Click To Tweet

I don’t need a gut-check on this one.

I just need to want Him.

Just Him.

 

 

 

The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
(Fanny Fern ~ American columnist ~ 1811-1872)

 

 

For, as I have often told you before and now tell you again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ
(Philippians 3:18-20 ~ NIV)

 

 

 

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2016. All Rights Reserved. 

Lift Up Your Eyes

Omphaloskepsis.

It’s a big word, isn’t it?  We’ll talk about it later.  For now, I want to talk about something else.

Those who have known me for a long time are aware of the fact that I have worn glasses for most of my life.  I have myopia—near-sightedness—which makes it difficult for me to see things which are far away.

Additionally, I have astigmatism in both eyes, so I really can’t see much without corrective lenses.  And, without the advances in manufacturing technology in recent years, mine would have to be very thick.  As it is, modern plastics have made it possible…

What’s that?

Oh.  Astigmatism.  The distortion of the eye’s cornea.  It adds to the problem I have with myopia, causing images both far and near to be blurry and even a little disproportional.  Almost like a fun-house mirror, although not nearly as much fun.

What happens is that I have to wear my glasses constantly if I want to see anything farther than three or four feet away from me clearly.  Many of my friends have never seen me without the glasses.  I only take them off for certain activities; sleep, swimming, showering, etc.

glasses-983947_1920Oh yes!  I also take them off to see objects up close.  I can read better without them and focus on small objects in my hand easier.  If you watch me working at my repair bench, you may see me remove my glasses occasionally.

In fact, I was in the middle of a delicate repair on a clarinet one day recently, a task which took all my concentration.  Although I was alone in the music store, it had been a slow morning, and I wasn’t much worried about being interrupted.

With my work held as still as possible, and gazing steadily at the tiniest of tiny screws my miniature screwdriver was manipulating, the bell on the front door jangled, announcing customers.

Wouldn’t you know it?  Just when I needed to be left alone!

Hardly daring to move my head, I quietly said, “I’ll be with you in just a moment.”

I don’t think my exasperated tone was lost on the folks, whoever they were.  Still, they waited patiently for me to finish.

Moments later, the minuscule screw finally tightened into place, I looked up.  I knew there were two people there, but they were all fuzzy.

Oh!  My glasses!  I fumbled for them on my work bench and, setting the plastic frames on the bridge of my nose, turned to them once more.

Old friends I hadn’t seen for years were standing there, grins on faces, laughing at me.  We hugged and spent a long time bringing each other up to date on life events and changes the years had brought to pass.

It was a great visit and then they went on their way, anxious to reach their destination by day’s end.  I went back to my work.

But, as I completed the repair, I wondered what it was I had thought so important about the task earlier.  I made my friends wait while I, engrossed in my own little world, had achieved some insignificant procedure which could have been done at any time.

Engrossed in my own little world…

Now, what does that remind me of?  There was something—something—I was going to write about…

Ah, yes!

Omphaloskepsis.  That was it!  I promised we’d get back to it earlier.

A wise old man brought the word to my attention years ago.  He spoke of mystics in the Eastern world who sit and meditate for days on end.  Expelling all other thoughts, all other reminders of everyday life and its responsibilities, they spend days on end in this meditative state.

Days.  Spent in contemplation of their own belly-buttons.

Yep.  Their belly-buttons.

Omphalos—The center of all things.  The navel.

Skepsis—Focus.  Examination.

Navel-gazing.  An ancient practice.

Funny.  I get the idea a few of my readers may be laughing at me right now.

But, then I wonder if in the midst of the laughter, the impact of these thoughts on this ridiculous practice makes its way to the target.

We have our own words in our culture for the practice.  Self-absorbed.  Self-centered.

Selfish.

In our spiritual myopia, our field of vision shrinks in upon itself, until all we can see is what we need.  We almost can’t see past the end of our noses.

Somehow, as we age, our desire to reach out of our comfort zone lessens.  We have done our part.  It is someone else’s turn.

And, just like that, suddenly and unexpectedly, we have lost our relevance to the world around us.

There is much to say about relevance in our response to the culture we are engulfed in, but I will save a few of those words for another day.

For today, I wonder if it makes sense for us to find our relevance in the words and life of our Savior.  Perhaps, if the field of our vision were to be expanded, we would see beyond our own needs and desires.

I find myself coming back to the words again and again, maybe even to the point of annoying my readers, but they are applicable in this instance, too.

When the Teacher sat with the other teachers of His day, they tested Him, asking what was most important.

We know His answer.  We do really well at it.

That is, we work hard at trying to accomplish the first part.

Love God with every part of your being. (Matthew 22:37)

Then the teachers asked the Teacher what came second in importance.

Again, we know His answer.  We like to talk about it.

It’s not so much that we want to accomplish it; we just like to talk about accomplishing it.

Love your neighbor in the same way you love yourself. (Matthew 22:39)

You see, we like the concept of omphaloskepsis way too much.

Oh, sure we do.

God lives inside of us.  We get to contemplate life with Him.  We get to be one with Him.  It’s about us—me and God.

Me and Jesus, we got our own thing going.
Me and Jesus, we got it all worked out.

And then somebody goes and spoils it and tells us we have to stop looking at our belly-buttons.

Do we want to be relevant again?

We’re going to have to care for those around us as He did.  Give up our demands for comfort.  Abandon our requirement that we be served first.

Relevance demands putting others first.

I wonder.  Could it be time for us to look up from our own affairs?

Maybe we could look at the world once more through the lens supplied us by its Creator.

And He said to them, “Lift up your eyes…”

 

 

 

If you just focus on the smallest details, you’ll never get the big picture right.
(Leroy Hood ~ American biologist)

 

When He saw the crowds, He had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.  Then He said to His disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few;”
(Matthew 9:36-37 ~ NRSV)

 

 

 

 

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2015. All Rights Reserved. 

In My Shoes

socksI walk around like everything is fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

Kind of warms the heart, doesn’t it?  No.  Perhaps that’s not the right way to put it.  I saw the little photo of a pair of shoes the other day and stopped to read the text.  Heartwarming isn’t the way I would describe my reaction.

Confused, maybe…

My first thought was that I was going to feel sympathy for the person who wrote the sentence.  But the gotcha phrase at the end made me laugh.  

Ha!  Just another touchy-feely sentimental moment turned into a joke.

I shared the picture with my friends, and went about my day.  But, something made me go back to the photo again.  And again.

Somehow, I wasn’t laughing anymore.  Sad.  That’s the way I began to feel inside.

The simple fact is, the event described is exactly the kind of thing that usually ruins my day.  Oh, I don’t necessarily mean that I’ve got bad socks, but I’m saying that minor inconveniences visible to no one but me are the catalysts for more bad moods than anyone will ever know.

Minor inconveniences.

They’re kind of a big thing.  For me, anyway.  Maybe for you, too.

All day long, the slightly too-small shirt I put on this morning keeps pulling out at the waist.  Each time I reach for something on my work bench, or stretch overhead to put in a light bulb, or bend over to pick up that penny I dropped while making change, the shirt tail, without any warning at all is hanging over my belt.

I hate that!

And, nobody cared.  In fact, none of you knew it was happening.  Not even the Lovely Lady.

I feel bad mentioning this at all.  Sort of. It pales beside other issues. 

One of my new author friends mentioned some serious personal life events in a note she wrote to me today.  Beyond serious, they have been catastrophic.  After that, it seems awfully silly for me to focus on the trivial and the mundane.

But, we live life as it happens.  The catastrophic events come.  For some, they last for many years—perhaps never to pass from our experience.  Dealing with and responding to them is paramount.

Still, the minuscule events come too, annoying and chipping away at our patience.  I wonder if they will also someday be a part of the record of how we responded and carried on in our walk here on this sphere of water and dirt.

The world keeps spinning.  We keep walking with the socks bunched up in our shoes.  Discomfort, inconveniences, and annoyances pile up.

You know I’m not really thinking about cheap socks now, right?

Who are we—really—when the trivial, the mundane, problems of life begin to wear on us?  How do we treat our fellow travelers?

When I have big problems—the kind everyone can see—it’s not all that hard to keep my footing, relationally speaking.  Folks treat me with deference, the kid glove treatment we’ve all heard of.  All the warning signs are obvious and even I can remember to exercise self-control in dealing with others.

But, what about when my shoe comes untied?

Walking along the trail, side by side with the Lovely Lady, I don’t even notice it for awhile.  Oh, I know something is not quite right, but it really doesn’t matter.  

I keep walking.  We keep talking.

Little by little, the brain becomes aware of the problem.  Finally, in a moment of epiphany, I realize my foot is sliding around in my shoe.

And just like that, I am angry.

shoes-166866_1280Well, who wouldn’t be?  The person by my side, the woman who stood beside me at an altar all those years ago and promised to love and help me, won’t slow down.  My shoe is untied and she keeps striding along like there is nothing wrong.

My shoe is untied!

“Slow down!”  I snap.

She looks at me in surprise.  Just a moment ago, we were enjoying our outing in the beauty of God’s creation.  Nothing has changed, to her mind.  There is no reason she would have seen my predicament.

My world, on the other hand, is turned upside down.  Of course, she instantly slows to a stop and waits while I kneel down and make the necessary adjustments. 

But the damage has been done.

I’ve spent a lot of words on feet, haven’t I?  Perhaps you already realize the feet aren’t the problem.  The heart is.

The heart.

We’re a self-centered lot, aren’t we?  Oh, we talk a good game, pretending to care more about others than ourselves, but let just one little personal issue flare up and no one matters in the world besides ourselves.  Nothing is more important in that moment than our comfort.

God is working on my heart problem.  I’m trying to let Him.  You see, the Apostle who loved letter-writing passed on the words God had for me long ago:

You can’t be looking at your own problems, but need to be focusing on what those around you need.  Think like He did, the God-man who gave up everything so you could have everything.

As He’s working on my heart problem, I wonder if you wouldn’t mind waiting up while I tie my shoe.

I’d like to walk beside you for awhile.

You can pull up your socks if you need to.

 

 

I have been a selfish being all my life, in practice, though not in principle.
(Jane Austen ~ British novelist ~ 1775-1817)

 

 

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.  Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests, but each of you the interests of the others.
(Philippians 2: 3,4)

 

 

 

 

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2015. All Rights Reserved.

 

Light the Match!

What a day!

It had been a beautiful time–the stuff of dreams for the skinny boy.  Twelve years old, he was on his first real camp out.  The two-hour ride to the lake in the back of the old pickup truck wasn’t nearly as uncomfortable as it might sound.  Besides, Mr. Bell had the foresight to find a place about halfway to the campsite where the group of Junior High boys could play a game of basketball in an old dilapidated gymnasium.

When they reached the lake, the tattered old tent was erected quickly as all of the eight or so boys and their two leaders pitched in.  The tent had seen a lot of these trips over the years Mr. Bell had given his time for groups just like these boys.  They didn’t care.  It looked perfect to them. 

That job complete, they grabbed their cheap Zebco spinning rods and reels from the floor of the truck and headed down to the lake to see what they could catch for supper.

The skinny kid chewed on the stem of a match as he cast his hook out again. All he had snagged so far was a tiny bream or two, and he wasn’t about to keep them.  The rest of the boys had about the same luck, but still, there were a couple of perch caught worth keeping. 

They weren’t worried about starving.  The cooler packed with hot dogs was back at camp, along with the makings for S’mores.  Even the boys who couldn’t stand the taste of fish were assured of having a decent meal.  There were a couple dozen eggs in the cooler, too.  Breakfast would come, in time.

“Time to head back up to camp, boys!”  The big voice from Mr Bell, himself a big man, echoed across the lake.

From all along the shore, the boys groaned, but they dutifully wound up their lines and headed for the tent and a hot meal.  Before that could happen, there was a fire to be built and even a couple of fish to be cleaned. 

The skinny kid wearing the horn-rimmed glasses knew how to clean fish, so he volunteered to help while the others gathered kindling and firewood.  Scraping scales and removing the unneeded parts of the perch would be messy work, so he took the match from between his teeth and dropped it into his pocket.  It would be safe there.

He finished his part of the job before the others began returning with the makings for the fire, so he headed up the trail toward the restrooms.  Not that the boy was all that fastidious, but fishy hands needed to be washed.  Even he couldn’t eat with hands covered with scales and. . .  Well, you get the picture.

He approached the little wooden structure and, finding a young bat with its wings spread clinging to one of the window screens, spent a few minutes trying to coax it into flight with a long sprig from a nearby mesquite tree.  It wouldn’t budge, so finally he just found the water faucet and washed up in the cold water.

Clean again and drying his hands on his tee shirt,  he headed back down, realizing as he did that the wind off the lake had picked up quite a bit.  It was unusual for the month of June, causing him to shiver a little as he felt the cool gusts in his face.

No matter.  The fire would be going soon.  They would be warm enough.

The boy arrived at the campsite just in time to hear Mr. Bell ask the question.

“Well, now what do we do?  Does anybody else have matches?”

The situation was immediately clear to the lad.  Someone had forgotten to check the match supply.  When the box was opened, only three of the sulphur and pine fire-starters were to be found.

“No problem,” Mr. Bell had said.  “It only takes one.”

He had lit the match and then shoved it down toward the newspaper wadded among the kindling.  The wind snuffed it out on the way down.  The second followed, with the same result.

Carefully shielding the third and last match in his hand and keeping it right next to the paper, he managed to get the flaring flame to light the edge.  Still shielding the blazing kindling, he waited a moment before backing away.  A gust of wind puffed the flame out in that instant.

lighted-match“Anybody?”  The big voice was almost plaintive as Mr. Bell repeated the word.  “A match?”

The skinny boy clamped his mouth shut.  He said not one word about the match in his pocket.  Not a word.

Two things kept him quiet.  The first thing was a little silly.  But, not to him, it wasn’t. 

The match was his.  His.  And, nobody else’s. 

What’s that?  Selfish, was it?  Sure.  But, he wasn’t wrong.  It was his.  Besides that, the second thing wasn’t silly at all.  Well, maybe a little silly, but again, not to him.

He needed that match.  In case.

In case what? 

Duh!  If he was starving, he could light a fire to cook something.  If he was freezing, he could get warm.  If he was lost in the wilderness, he could build a signal fire to attract attention.

His.  His last match.

If they used that match and it blew out, all hope would be gone.  No chance of a fire over which to cook, nor to be warmed by.  As long as it remained unlit, he had hope.

No fire, but hope.

They ate cold hotdogs and chocolate bars with whole marshmallows that night.  There were no fried eggs for breakfast the next morning either.  Bread and apples slices.  That was what the shivering boys ate before they broke camp to head back home.

The skinny kid kept the match in his pocket all the way home.
                   

Silly, huh?  Dumb twelve-year-old kid.

What adult would think like that?  Why would anyone keep quiet about a treasure they had hidden which could be of value to others?

What good is hope if a person never bothers to put it to the test?

When I write, there is usually no dearth of words to make my point.  The narrative complete, I always have a moral to offer.  Tonight should be no different.

But, I don’t want to fill the page with more words.

You see, the twelve-year old kid still lives in me. 

Maybe, it’s time to light the match and see what happens.

 

 

“But whoever has the world’s goods, and sees his brother in need and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him?”
(I John 3:17 ~ NASB)

 

“One who cannot cast away a treasure at need is in fetters.”
(from The Two Towers ~ J.R.R.Tolkien ~ English author/poet ~ 1892-1973)

 

 

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2015. All Rights Reserved.